After today, I'll have only one exam left and the last two weeks have been quite hell-ish: I barely survived the long days of studying - and the 3-hour long exams have been the worst of it all. If all's well, I'll have a 2.5 months long period of nothingness after my last exam on Monday and I've been looking forward to that for the past few months. My current plan is to move to Amsterdam in July, where I'll go to University from the first of September on.
If I graduate - of course. But I'm not going to speculate about that. If I do I do and if I don't I don't (and instead of enjoying my almost three months of freedom, I'll fill three oceans with tears.)
Thinking about what my life will look like in 1.5 months (!) is quite stressful as my little life has been so comfortable for the past 17 years: all my life I've lived in the same house with my loving family and no problems. That comfort will soon be exchanged for a new environment and new people and I currently like the thought of that change - but will I still like it when I live in Amsterdam, all by myself?
I don't know. I know that my life will be so different and I know it will be hard, in the beginning: instead of eating my mom's dishes I'll have to cook for myself: instead of being quite free in what I buy and don't buy, finance-wise, I'll have to buy food and other essentials for myself as well and there'll be nothing left for 'fun' stuff - while now there's so much left for 'fun' stuff.
I want to be realistic - as you can see: I know it won't be easy, but I hope it will be fun too. I don't know if I'd be homesick - I've never been away from home for more than a week and I'm afraid I'll find out that that 2-hour train trip home's too long for me. I'm a bit scared of loneliness as well: I don't have many friends and I'm not the 'party type', but I do have people to talk to and I do have some close friends. What if I won't find new people in a city I don't know anyone in? I think I'm most afraid of missing my parents and my little sister, as they've created the most amazing family I could've landed in.
I'm also very eager to find out if this need I feel to move to Amsterdam is an urge I have because I really want to go there, or because I just want something different for once.
It scares me that I will soon find out all the answers to my many questions. It also scares me that I my answer might be postponed for a year - what if I don't graduate? I honestly don't know what to do then - but I promised.. I wouldn't think about that.
I'm really looking forward to the changes in my life - whatever happens, everything'll change. If you've had your final exams I think you know this feeling: the last few months just go on and on and on and it feels like you'll never know the answer to that final question: did you pass your exams? It's so stressful! It helps that I know that I'm not the only one with this feeling but jeez, I want this time to be over so badly. I wanted to publish an article about 'surviving exam stress' but I honestly didn't know what to write because I barely am surviving this stress myself!
Just a quick summary.
I think my life in 2 months from now (so the 20th of July) will be hopeful. I'll live in Amsterdam (just assuming that I'll graduate) and I've just started a new job/am looking for a new job. I've adjusted to the new lifestyle but still am missing home and my old comfortable life, but am exciting for what's coming.
At least, that's what I'm hoping for. I'll look back at this post on the 20th of July and check if my dreams came true. I hope all of yours will.