Moving Out: Transitions

I never liked living in a small village. Since I was little I had the dream to move to a big city, to a more ‘buzzing’ place, to a place with more than one supermarket for all the inhabitants (plus cows). When I had the choice to move out and go to uni in a big city I immediately knew that was what I had to do: wasn’t it what I’ve always wanted?


So plans were made and goodbyes were said, and off I went to the big city (though it was a bit less spontaneous than I make it seem) - two hours away from my loving family. I’ve always had a great connection with the ones close to me - I’m not the kind of daughter who ever wished her mother dead, or said she hated her father. I genuinely love my family very, very much, and what they say is true: you only realize what you had, once it’s gone. I always thought of my mother's over-caring character as annoying but I now miss it when it’s 21:00h and I’m too tired to cook - and I never thought I’d miss my father’s cleaning-tic but I really do when I’m facing a kitchen flooded with dirty dishes. 

I’m only a 2-hour train ride away from my family, but the last few weeks have been quite hard for me. It isn’t possible to spontaneously visit my grandparents anymore and I miss that very much, and instead of walking downstairs for a chat with my parents, I have to call them, hoping they'll pick up the phone. 

It’s not a disaster and it was my own choice, I know - but there are some things you don’t realize when you make big life decisions, even when you think you thought of everything. I never thought of the lonely evenings, about going to bed without saying ‘goodnight’ to anyone, about the meals I’d have to consume on my own, in my tiny bedroom, whilst having a huge pile of dirty laundry peeking over my shoulder. I’m sure this will all be different when I make some friends, go to uni, am used to being on my own more - but for now, it’s quite hard, and I’m sure I would’ve returned to my parents’ house if I hadn’t had the whole ‘uni’ commitment breathing in my neck. I think it's good that that commitment and goal, for me, is there - because I know this is what I really wanted. And still want!

I make it sound like I hate being here, in this beautiful city called ‘Amsterdam’. Sure, there are some things I find hard to accept and adapt to, but I intensely enjoy other things. I love the fact that I can decide what I want for dinner, at what time I have it, and how I eat it - I love the freedom that comes with living on my own. Even though my parents have never been very strict and I have never been very rebellious either, it’s different, and I finally feel the true independence I’ve always wanted to feel.

Another thing I newly love, is being able to cycle through the grachten - I think they’re called ‘canals’ in English. Cycling through Amsterdam isn’t something you could do without one finger on your bell and two hands firmly wrapped around your handlebars, and I’m sure I’ve annoyed more than one taxi driver already. Cycling through Amsterdam is scary but once you’re used to it, which I almost am now, you can enjoy the beautiful architecture and flowers scattered through this city - which I like very much visually and creatively. There are so many cute shops, boutiques and initiatives I’d never heard of before..

..It’s just that I sometimes wish I’d have someone to share these new finds with. I left my friends, family and stable WiFi connection at home (I still call my parents’ house ‘home’, and I think I always will), and not being able to grab your friend- or family member’s sleeve to point out the awesome thing you just spotted can be quite frustrating. I’m glad I live in a time where I can take a snapshot and send it to anyone I’m missing, but living in a transitional phase can be frustrating. And I call it a transitional phase because I know it’ll get better - it has to! - it’s just that I have a lot of time to think right now, and overthinking mostly leads to negative thoughts - at least, in my head.

Sigh, what a depressing post! - but I really just felt like typing what I felt. I guess moving out as a 17-year old isn’t as easy as I expected it to be. Oh, and another thing! I just quit the job I’ve had for 5 or 6 days now. It wasn’t making me happy, and it was causing me a lot of backache. I’ve been trying to live the ‘happiness comes from within’-way, and I’ve been eliminating all the stress-causing and annoying factors from my life, and so far, so good. Even though the previous words might prove something else, apart from missing my family, life has been good. <3 I still am very excited for what's happening now and in the near future, and I'm looking forward to sharing everything about it with you.

How are you? Please, let me know - I’d love to have a little chat in the comments!

have a beautiful day!

18 comments

  1. i can definitely relate to the feelings you've shared in this post – i remember feeling very lonely, isolated and extremely down when i first started university 3 years ago. i'm sure once you meet new people and fall into a routine you'll absolutely LOVE living in amsterdam, and i've got to say i'm jealous of you living in such a beautiful, vibrant city!

    new situations always take time to adapt to, but i'm sure your time away from home will bring you great new friends and an even deeper connection with your family – i know it did for me :)

    all the best with your studies :) robyn x

    p.s. i love your new blog header!

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  2. Klinkt moeilijk hoor. Lijkt mij ook lastig, ineens in een nieuwe stad in je eentje! Als je zou willen kan ik altijd een keer langskomen, haha ^^ x

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  3. I didn't realize that Amsterdam was two hours away from you! Wow!! I think you're right, the Uni goal is a good motivator for you to stay and push through these few lonely nights left. In the grand scheme of your life, it's not that long! I actually took this post as hopeful, rather than depressing. I'm sorry you've got some negativity swirling up in your head but you seem to be in the right frame of mind about it all. It will be temporary (most likely!!) and when you gain friends and have more Uni responsibilities you'll forget you even wrote this post ;)

    Much LOVE!!
    -Stephanie Eva

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  4. Oh sweet girl you will be okay. You remind me of a time in my life when I was going through the same feelings only it was in reverse. My adult children left to explore this beautiful world and even though I was surrounded by friends and family I still would go up to one of thier rooms and cry. Now I'm going to have a grandson but instead of feeling little hands on me I have to be content with pictures. So hang in there honey, you are not alone.

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  5. hello dear! I understand how you felt, I too left home when I was 18 and suddenly miss my parents telling me what to do, like you said, having the freedom to make all the decisions was scary because I was so afraid of making it wrong. but its ok, enjoy these times, its when we grow our wings and become strong individual beings, the way we were made to be! When you start getting into the whole uni life, its gonna be amazing! Hang in there!! and keep enjoying life xxx

    Rachel x
    thehappybits.blogspot.com

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  6. You're growing up. Life is about to move forward and just embrace the changes and feel happy within it. Stay strong. :)

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  7. I think this is how most people feel when they leave home. I'm more than sure that you'll be fine in a few months, maybe even weeks! You'll make friends soon enough so you'd have someone to share the experiences with. And yes, the bike riding can be scary at first, but after you get used to it (like I am) you'll be able to do it with your eyes closed (well, almost)! And pissing off taxi drivers is just unavoidable, as they will piss you off to no end on their turn ;)

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  8. Although I can't quite relate to what you're feeling, these last few days I've been getting a sneak peak on what it might be like. My friends are all on holidays with their families or else to busy with their own stuff and, as my grandma is recovering from a surgery, I was forced to stay at my mother's for two months now and the last month has been rough. i get bored really easily and not having someone to talk to the entire day is pretty depressing. I'm getting better though, trying to do things and going out on my own, but I still miss talking to people the whole entire day, specially now that I'm changing schools and won't have my friends with me everyday. I'm 16 and I also want to leave my parents' house and go study abroad like you did and even though it scares the hell out of me, I think the loneliness goes away when school starts cause you'll make new friends and will have other people to support you. And don't forget that you'll always have skype :)
    Anyway, sorry for this big comment just wanted to share my feelings and say that I admire you for what you are doing and for also admitting that it not always is as happy and fairytale-like as it seems.

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  9. Wat ga je studeren? Het lijkt me ook moeilijk op het begin. Alleen op kamers.. veel succes en plezier! X

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  10. As hard as it was for me to leave for college last year, I eventually realized all the amazing things about the new place I was in, and my college town is nowhere near as amazing as Amsterdam!! Things will look up soon :)
    xo Kiki
    http://colormekiki.com/

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  11. I will be moving out to a bigger city in the end of August and it's also 2(.5) hours away from home. I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling the same way at first. Best of luck to you and always know that great adventures lay ahead!

    Evelin Kivi Blog

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  12. I completely agree with how lonely and scary it is moving away from home to go to Uni but it is completely worth it! I guess we've all got to learn to live on our own at some point. And I've just got back from a lovely trip to Holland! My cousin has now moved out there and she lives in Helmond so I went to see her. It is a lovely place! I also visited Amsterdam whilst I was there and it was amazing. Such a good experience and yeah you're right we call them canals here in England haha. I can also attest to the madness of cycling around Amsterdam, I didn't attempt it as I feared for my life but I witnessed the craziness! I hope you start to feel better about moving away and enjoy the time you get to spend in such a beautiful city :) I hope to come back someday.

    Georgina x | petite thoughts

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  13. Hello there!
    Super cool blog you have! Would you like us to follow eachother on GFC and support eachother?
    xo from Italy,
    Sonia Verardo
    http://www.trenchcollection.com/

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  14. When I took my apartment last year, I lived about three months alone, until my roommate comes. It was a little bit weird, as you said ... Eat in front of an empty chair, put music to not listen to the silence...
    I'm somewhat in the same situation as you, I’m only at 1h30 train from my parents. And I always used to call my family's house "Home" and I call where I live "the flat "!

    But don't worry, it would be a great experience! You just need an adjustment period ;) Courage!

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  15. I love the Dam. You are so lucky do be able to go study there.
    I was only two hours from my Parents are Uni. Its nice to know they are close by but also far enough that they can't drop in unannounced!

    Jenn | Jennifer Jayne

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  16. I totally understand <3 just go out & have fun. Everything will be alright!
    Nati xx
    www.simplyartdicted.com

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  17. I can imagine being on your own a lot when you aren't used to that is hard. But you'll make friends at uni, you can invite them over for dinner and show them the cool things you find. But until then try and enjoy being on your own because being with yourself you actually already have lovely company although many people overlook that. :) Lots of love, Isa x

    darjeelingtealeaves.blogspot.com

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  18. This is such a fantastically written post. I loved reading it and found it so relatable too. Thank you for sharing your feelings with us and I am sure things will get easier for you. You will gain so much independence and life experience during your uni years and I'm sure you'll make some friends for life - most people do at uni :-)
    Abiee xx
    http://www.abieelucas.com

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