About Being Alone

Being alone - even though it isn’t a very peculiar thing, people have so many negative opinions about it. Going out for dinner alone is a taboo, shopping without anyone by your side is something nobody seems to enjoy. I, however, love doing these things. I sometimes even need to be on my own, have no-one around, have time to think about things - or think about nothing at all.




I want to travel alone. I want to visit Barcelona, Stockholm, Berlin, I don’t know - I wouldn’t mind getting on a plane without anybody to chat to - a good book under my arm, some nice tunes in my ears and a camera around my neck.

‘You’ll hate it’, my grandmother once said. ‘You won’t have anyone to point that beautiful building out to, you won’t have company during dinner.’ 

I can imagine that it’d be hard - but it’s not like I’m never alone now. I practically always eat alone (I live in a shared flat, but we don’t have a living room). Living on your own can be quite lonely in general. 

The word ‘lonely’ sounds very sad - but I think there are two kinds of people: people who can’t stand loneliness, and people who actually need it every now and then. I sometimes hear people complain about having to do grocery shopping alone and if I were like that, I’d be unhappy most of the time. 

I think loneliness is something I seek, while others might not look for it. When I know I have an evening without activities coming up, I don’t text my friends asking to meet up. I think about what I can do alone - write an article, watch Netflix, draw, bake cookies. 

It’s not like I don’t enjoy having company. I need that, too. I love having coffee with friends, I really enjoy catching up with acquaintances, and I recently found out I actually like going out for drinks while I always thought that wasn’t for me. I love being surrounded by people I can talk to, discuss with, who have the same opinions (or completely different ones). I still think I am an introvert but I found out that I like the more outgoing side of myself, too. 

I also don’t feel scared when contacting other people anymore. I used to be sick before meetings and parties, and I recently realized this isn’t the case anymore. I found out I actually get excited for events and this is so new for me! I think the recent change in my life has been good for me - and I’m so happy to be able to admit that. I don't know why it happened. Maybe because I tried to change my life as I wasn't 100% happy with it. Maybe because my environment changed. Maybe because I changed. I don't know - it just did.

It currently is 00:30h and I’m at my parent’s house, working on this article. I just caught up with a friend over Whatsapp - a high school friend. Even though high school ended barely four months ago, it feels like those six years took place in a different lifetime. I was a different Sjoukje back then - I thought the loneliness was me, but now I realize loneliness is a happy and much-needed part of me that doesn’t define me. I need it to stay sane, but I need company too. And that doesn’t scare me anymore - like it used to. 

I still need my loneliness but I found out I like the less lonely side of myself too.

I didn’t change on purpose - I tried to accept the parts of me that I did not like and couldn’t live with, I eliminated factors that did not make me happy like they should have - and doing that actually changed me. I accept myself now and doing that made me realize the person I was trying to accept wasn’t actually me.

And I'm much happier with the person I am now.

to being happy - sjoukje


quite a deep article for a Sunday morning
how do you feel about the things I wrote?
do you think you're an introvert, extravert
would you travel alone? <3

33 comments

  1. make you winter different other,you blogger is so nice http://www.nobiscashops.com

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  2. You are so beautiful and you picture looks so charming
    http://www.dresspecialsuk.com

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  3. Wat kun jij dingen mooi omschrijven!! Nu kan ik verder aan mijn schoolopdrachten:)

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  4. Personally, I love shopping alone. I don't like shopping in general and I never buy something when I'm with somebody. I'm a typical Taurus and as such not an impulse buyer. I need time for my decisions.

    Some people prefer more time for themselves. I have noticed that I become stressed if I don't have time to be by myself.

    http://modaodaradosti.blogspot.ba/

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  5. Heerlijk geschreven! Alleen zijn is zo fijn soms!

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  6. Amazing post :)
    please follow my blog : THE COLORFUL THOUGHTS

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  7. This is such a refreshing post to read! I am so happy when I am alone, really and truly. Shopping on my own always ends up way more productive than with anybody else, and I enjoy little coffee dates alone to catch up on reading my favourite blogs with a Starbucks in hand. I'm glad that you have evolved and are much happier through out - I am a massive introvert, which I used to really hate, but I have decided to revel in it recently and it's working out so much better for me x x x

    kassiella.blogspot.co.uk

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  8. This is a beautiful post! I like to have some "me" time as it is great for having some space and thinking about stuff!

    www.elabellaworld.com

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  9. Definitely a wonderful read. Being alone can absolutely be a good thing. There's a big difference between being alone & being lonely. I truly believe going to dinner, movies, or travel alone isn't as taboo as it used to be. Traveling solo can be difficult & have it's setbacks but overall it's a great thing. :]

    // ▲ itsCarmen.com ▲

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  10. I have spent all evening reading your blog, thanks for the great post, lovely as per usual! xx



    My Little “Fashion” Box Review

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  11. I'm definitely an introvert, but I've also been finding myself ejoying more social activities than before. It'S funny, while reading this, I felt like it could easily be one of my won blog articles, I could associate every single sentence with my own life. I feel sick before big tests and events, i had a massive cramp before having friends over the other night, I had a massive panic attack before school started, and I've been incredibly anxious ever since. However, I'm trying to overcome that, and I've accepted that I love being alone, or with very little company. Today I spent the entire day writing, editing a little film, reading blogs, eating good food and, most of all, painting; something I hadn't realised I missed so much in the past two weeks or so. Now I feel energised and ready to take on the week! I think it's all about balance, and there's no reason to be ashamed of rejoicing in alone time.
    Marianne

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  12. I can relate to this. I'd say I'm introverted (okay I definitely am) and I often find myself having to explain to people that I genuinely do enjoy doing things alone a lot of the time. Writing, watching tv, taking photos, making things, you name it I have no issue doing it alone. Saying that, I think sometimes people can take this as a sign that I'm completely anti-social, which isn't the case! As you said, introverts often also have another side to them that maybe isn't so introverted; I think people definitely need to remember that!

    www.thesundaymode.blogspot.com.au

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  13. You're me in another body; I completely relate. I'm an introverted, socially-anxious and pretty much "lonely" person, and, like you, revel in solitude. Social events make me sick to my core and I literally throw up right before any major ones, but lately, after having joined more outgoing circles like the debate team at my old school (because formally arguing with perfectly presented points is a joy to behold), I've come to realize that I can be outgoing, too, when surrounded by the right people at the right time.

    I'm one who still finds the most comfort within the circle of silence, but I've been embracing the more social side of me, too.

    Being able to accept this is definitely a step towards finding out so much more about myself and discovering this world. And to travel alone? That's the dream.

    I cannot believe I have not stumbled across your blog before. You write with relateable eloquence! I'm now a follower. Happy Monday, Sjoukje.

    May | THE MAYDEN

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  14. Precioso artículo. Nos ha emocionado profundamente.
    Decoracion de Interiores

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  15. Loneliness is underrated! Beautiful post.

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  16. Really great post - I have actually just gotten back from two trips recently - one was a solo trip and one was with friends and you know what? I loved both. They are totally different the speeds are totally different as well and they both have their drawbacks but pros as well. There is a difference between being lonely and being alone. Being alone is different. I think that if you want to take these solo trips you should just go for it. Your grandmother may just be a different kind of person and for her a solo trip might not be so fun, but it sounds like it's something you are dreaming of doing so I say go for it. And you know what? If you do not end up enjoying it, at least you have had a new experience and will know that for the future.

    Rae | Love from Berlin

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  17. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, I don't really like sharing my personal life so much on my blog, but I'm recently single, so thanks so much for sharing this post! I'm getting use to being alone and I'm quite excited for what the future beholds for me! I'm still quite young!

    This Damsel Loves Blog

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  18. i think we all need a little time for ourselves. I love meeting my friends or doing things with my family but sometimes i need time for me and doing things alone.

    xoxo Mel

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  19. i can relate to this a lot, i really love spending time alone and i don't really mind not talking to people for long periods of time. it makes it more exciting when you actually go out and do things :)

    danielle | avec danielle

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  20. Being alone has indeed it's advantages :) My travels I did alone were really interesting ...
    xx from Bavaria/Germany, Rena
    www.dressedwithsoul.com

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  21. brilliantly said! I can relate to this so much :)

    www.miriamwoodburn.blogspot.com

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  22. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  23. Hi5 Sjoukje! awesome post. I love how honest you are with your readers. Im glad you are happier with the person you are now:) i am the opposite. I was definitely an extrovert in high school and over the years I became so much more reserved and enjoyed loneliness. things are changing now and Im beginning to step out of my shell. very happy about that.

    Rachel x
    thehappybits.blogspot.com

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  24. Great post! I'm stuck in the middle, I either hate being alone or I wish I could sit by myself for a bit. Are you going to go travelling by yourself then? I'm sure you'd have a great time!

    www.sophieslittlesecrets.co.uk

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  25. Sometimes when we are alone-- we are slowly building up ourselves.
    We learned a lot of things and the only person we depend is our self.
    I live alone before and i think it's scary but interesting.
    You will meet a lot of people-- some of them will take advantage and some are nice.
    So along the way-- whatever things you experience-- what is important is what you are now today

    The Bandwagon Chic | Instagram | Bloglovin | Snapchat: bandwagonchic

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  26. I have also been thinking about travelling alone. I think it would be really valuable and some people have told me you get more from the experience. This was a lovely post to read.

    http://neithereternalnorspotless.wordpress.com

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  27. This is a very uplifting article, Sjoukje! I love that you've been able to accept what you need and learn some new things about yourself along this new journey. I am trying hard to find my balance between loneliness and outgoingness. I think I am more someone who needs company, but it's very true I still need alone time!

    Much Love!
    -Stephanie Eva

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  28. Leuk artikel! Ik herken 100% van de dingen die je vertelde, haha! Dus definitely een introvert. Maar ik vind t heerlijk.

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  29. Prachtig geschreven! Ik hou ook van alleen zijn. Ik woon samen met mijn vriend, maar soms ga ik dan nog even naar mijn ouders en zit ik daar de hele dag in mijn kamer muziek te luisteren en te lezen. Heerlijk vind ik dat. Ik snap wel dat mensen het ongemakkelijk kunnen vinden, maar soms kun je het gewoon even nodig hebben. Je blog is heel erg mooi x

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  30. Love this post! Travelling alone is the most rewarding thing i've ever done. You'll love it! I'm an introvert too sometimes. I used to think there was somthing wrong with me but I'm learning to love the fact that I need no one other than myself to make me happy. Its a great quality to have. Fran xxx
    Www.thiscouldmakeyouhappy.com

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  31. Sooooo, I finally comment on this which I had promised you ages ago. I hope you don't mind it!
    I think being able to be just with yourself is quite an important thing - being able to enjoy your own company, being able to appreciate your environment and your own mind and everything without being distracted by a conversation. Of course there are people you can share these moments with but in my experience they are very few and I think these moments are important to just be able to take a breath and recharge.
    I love walking the city (or cities in general) on my own - I love watching people live their lives, hear all the noises and and just grasp what it feels like to be there among them. I also love travelling alone as you really are free to do whatever you like, if you feel like heading down the road you just found left of you, then you can without having to communicate this. Of course it's nice to share these moments with people but sometimes it's even nicer to just share them with yourself.
    I think it's quite a healthy thing to be able to be with yourself - to be able to not distract yourself from yourself but really experience yourself the way you are. Having people close to you is important and shared moments are as well but I think a lot of people forget that sharing moments with yourself can be a precious experience too.
    I'm glad you've found yourself a little more (or at least it sounds like you have) and that you can appreciate that you change. Have a wonderful day!
    Isa x

    darjeelingtealeaves.blogspot.com

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  32. Only reading this now but I love your article. You so skillfully write down your thougts and feelings! I currently started a blogpost series on introversion, check out my blog if you're interested in reading it. ;)

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