Where in high school I'd usually start studying for a testweek about two, maybe three days in advance, I still have 7 days until I have to complete my first real uni exam and to be really honest with you: every time I think about it, I get a mini-panic attack. Even though I feel like I'm quite up-to-date I get dizzy when trying to remember my first lecture, because I seem to have forgotten all about everything the professor told us. I also am quite the scatterbrain when it comes to taking notes: when I look back at the randomly collected words I quickly jotted down that's all what they are - I can barely call them sentences.
I don't know if you recognize this - taking notes and not understanding what you tried to tell your future-self, being in a state of complete stress before a testweek: these are the most prominent things in my life right now. Of course I do fun stuff (I met up with Teske and I'll meet Sophie on Friday, woohoo!) but where I spoke and wrote quite a lot about the living-in-Amsterdam-part, I now am finally experiencing the studying-part. And that's nice - even though it sometimes doesn't feel like it, that's the most important reason why I'm here.
To be very honest, I didn't expect my study to be so hard and so time-consuming. I do like having to work hard for something, though - but I don't it to be for nothing. I am struggling with one of the two subjects I have - I do not find it interesting at all and that's why I'm having a hard time concentrating on it, which results in me not understanding the literature we have to read. I'm quite scared of failing that exam - but that actually motivates me to work even harder. (Too bad this effect has only started to appear yesterday, and not 8 weeks ago when I could still fix the terrible situation I now am in).
Being so busy doesn't leave much time for thinking loads. Back when I lived in Amsterdam and had no job and no university obligations yet, I had too much time to think about unpleasant things. I feel like I finally found some balance. Where at first I really missed my parents when I was in Amsterdam, that has gotten a lot better (I'm sorry, mom) - I know it's nice when I'm at my parents' house and I can really look forward to being there - but I can finally enjoy being in my little student room as well. And that's nice - I finally have two homes instead of one home and one room I rent to be closer to university.
Another thing I'm thoroughly enjoying at this moment, is you. You? Yup! Sweet comments on Instagram photos make me so happy and the blogpost I recently published ('what made me happy') received some inspiring and motivating comments as well. Even though I love writing about baking cookies and recipes and other lifestyle-related stuff, I love blogging about life in general even more. Being a blogger brought me lots of beautiful things - new friends, little moments of happiness where I realize that there are people who actually read the articles I (yes I!) publish - and more of that. Where some people (and even friends) don't get my little obsession (maybe I should call it passion) that is blogging ('so.. you sometimes post a recipe on your page called 'Lemontierres', how do you even pronounce that by the way?') - I'm sure you'll understand - because well, you're still reading this. Thank you. <3
And that's actually the reason why I'm currently writing this message. A little update about my life and a little thank-you to you. I'll have plenty of time for photography projects and baking cookies and other fun-related things after my exam week - but for now you'll find me covered in books, articles I still have to read and pens. I really enjoy studying hard - but only for a little while. I'm looking forward to the 23d of October, 15:00h - the moment on which I will (hopefully) leave the exam room for the first time with a tired, but content feeling.